Reflections on a Christian Marriage (2 years and counting!)

Today my husband, also my best friend, celebrate 2 years of being married. 2 years ago we said "I will" at the alter. Note that we didn't say "I do."

The hallmark of our marriage is our promise to each other that everyday we will choose to love each other. For my dear husband, he chooses to love me just as Christ love the church and be willing to give his life to me, and to make sure I'm holy and blameless on the last day. For me, I choose to love him by submitting to him as the leader of our home.

Unlike my colleagues who often complain about their husbands as a slob and not caring for the home, my husband is an amazing home cleaner and willingly clean every mess I create. He even takes great care of kitty litter - and that is a great deal with 4 cats! My husband on the other hand often compliments my cooking, and puts up with the odd things that come out from the oven when I try to bake.

People who know us often ask how we keep our marriage seemingly so happy despite the real trials of sickness and disability comes knocking on our door ever so often. Are we really happy? In short, we truly are. 

Of course, we are sinners and will fail to keep our promises to each other. There will be days when I get upset or grumpy and throw my hissy fit around. I'll drag my husband to the mall even when I know he absolutely hates it. And there are days when computer games take over our world and make us selfish in our love for each other. 

But as Christians, we have learnt the great importance to apologize when we know we are wrong and to forgive graciously just as God forgave us. 

Mental illness can sure drive a great wedge between a couple. The unpredictability of mood and behavior, and the outburst of raw negative emotion can take its toll on a spouse. Yet, what doesn't kill you, can do you a lot of good. In fact, each crisis has lead us to be a stronger couple in unity and in dependence on God.

Some people tell me that it's not wise to submit to your husband as it encourages you to be a lesser person or be abused by him. I'm very thankful that in the process of choosing a husband, I was looking for someone who loves God and respects who I am. It's sin that make one a wife abuser and not the command for wives to submit. Husbands are called to love their wives. My husband appreciates my talents and supports me to work to my potential. He includes me in decision making and gives me the liberty to make choices of my own when they aren't a big deal - like what to eat for dinner. 

In Christian leadership, he takes the effort to make sure we are practicing what the bible tells us. He gently corrects me in the way of the truth when I'm in the wrong.

In being the helpful spouse, I try my best to make sure our home runs well by setting up systems in our uniquely challenging household - like setting up frozen meal boxes for a week to help us cope with the lack of time on weekdays. I've learnt to gently push him to help out when something important needs to be done - like taking the trash out when the cat is trying to eat from it! I've also learnt the art of encouraging him when he is down or anxious.

I know my husband isn't romantic. I don't imagine him getting flowers or organizing date night. But our love isn't about a romance, rather it is a choice of giving ourselves to each other. What I know, is that his love for me will always try to seek what is best for me. When I'm sick, he will advocate for the best possible care. He will even help me do stuff which he hates if he thinks it's best for me - like applying Vicks vaporub (and singing Soft Kitty)!

After 2 years of marriage, after 6 years of being engaged and 2 years of courtship, I really appreciate being married in a Christian marriage. I hope God will give us many more years together.

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